The Best Cat Jokes Ever Printed On Animal Hospital Signs
People like jokes, and people like cats, so cat jokes just make natural sense. These veterinary clinics and animal hospitals know this so they made sure to get clever with their outdoor signs. They decided that the best way too attract new clients was with a little bit of humor.
There's nothing like a good laugh to brighten your mood on the way to take your pet to the vet. Cats can't read, but people can and they'll appreciate these jokes the most. If you want to get in on all this funny cat action without having to actually drive to 40 different animal hospitals, keep reading!
Of Course, Cats Would Leave You Hanging
Look, cats are great, but they aren't the brightest when it comes to technology. Cats don't know how to work a phone! They can't even spell! But you better believe that if cats could spell or use touchscreens, they definitely wouldn't use those skills to be nice.
Cats are definitely the sort of people (in this scenario, cats are people) who would just ghost you right from the start. Cats are independent creatures. They don't need no man.
Once A Cheetah, Always A Cheetah
There are so many reasons why cats might not play poker in the jungle. For one, cats don't know the rules of poker. Do you think a cat knows if a royal flush is better than a full house? Because cats absolutely do not know that. Also, cats don't have hands to hold the cards. Also, cats don't live in jungles. Unless you're talking about big cats. Cheetahs are big cats that live in the jungle.
Now the joke has come full circle. You're welcome.
If The Costume Fits...
There are a few fundamental differences between dogs and cats. Dogs absolutely love human attention. They understand that they have a name, and when that name is called, they respond accordingly. Cats, on the other hand, well, we're not even sure if they know they have a name or not.
They probably do know, they just don't care. Whatever you do, don't let your canine dress up as a feline or there will be trouble.
One Can At A Time
Of course cat food is sold "purr can." I mean, I guess if you go to a bulk food store like Costco you might be able to buy packages of multiple cans, but then you wouldn't get to say a fun pun and where's the joy in that?
The joy in that is saving thirty-eight cents per can, but that's neither here nor there. A good pun is at least worth thirty-eight cents. I reckon some people would even say it's worth a dollar.
Somebody Let The Cat Out Of The Bag
Does anybody know where the expression "let the cat out of the bag" came from? Maybe it has something to do with not being able to get a cat back in a bag. Like, once the secret is out, there's no going back. It's now out in the world forever.
Have you ever tried putting a cat in a bag? Those things have claws and they're not afraid to use them. How did anyone manage to get a cat in a bag in the first place?
May The Force Be With You
Okay, nerds, calm down. We know "may the force be with you" is from Star Wars and "live long and prosper" is from Star Trek. We just wanted to see if we could get you all riled up.
"Live long and pawsper" sounds like an encouragement to live long under someone else's roof being taken care of all your life. It's the purrfect saying for a cat. See what we did there? Two puns in one.
A Medical Cat Pun
Get it? Because a CAT scan is a radiological device used to look inside bodies at the vet, but it also has the word cat in it and cats go to the vet. Clever, right? We bet you got this joke without that explanation, though because you're smart enough to know how puns work.
That's why you're reading this article. To access some great, high-quality puns. We hope this one satisfied your craving. Keep reading if you want some more!
Me-ow!
How many ways can you pun on the word "meow?" Is "meow" even a word or is it just a sound? Do cats even say "meow" or is it more like a "reew" sound? These are all very good questions that we can discuss at a later date. For now, we're just going to laugh at this funny joke.
Why would a cat want a dog to check him out? Okay, we're done with the questions. We're officially moving on.
When Cats Get Angry
We think that it's very possible that we call tantrums hissy fits because of cats. Think about it. Cats hiss when they get angry. People throw hissy fits when they get angry. It all makes sense. As much as we love to poke fun at cats and their attitude, we have to admit that there's something downright spooky about a hissing cat.
Dogs can bark until the cows come home and it just sounds silly. The sound of a cat hissing is enough to make you run the other way.
Gotta Stay Clean
If you think about it, cats must think we're really gross. From their perspective, we never bathe. Cats get clean by licking themselves or licking each other. They don't know what a shower is, and if they do, they definitely don't like it. If we licked ourselves or other people, we'd probably need to take a shower after.
They may think we're gross for not licking, but we think they're ridiculous for hating water so much.
So Many Puns In One Place
Puns are the best because they can turn an average sentence into a funny one. It's ironic that the person who wrote this joke is warning about being freaked out by cat puns at the same time that they're making one.
The second line is even better because the tone appears to be getting serious. Then they drop that last "I'm not kitten," and you know that they have to be. Some puns twist words so that they barely make sense, but this one does a purrfect job.
Time To Go To The Vet
When we first read this joke, we nearly missed the word "feline." Since the human brain is very trainable, by the time you've gotten into the habit of reading you don't often need to notice each letter. The word "feline" is so close to "feelin'" that it could be easy to miss.
In fact, both words have the exact same letters if you omit the "g." "Purramedic," on the other hand, is a little more obvious. At the same time, "purrfect" is the more common pun, so it's refreshing to see something new.
Definitive Proof
As sassy as cats can come off at times, it's also true that they can be some of the funniest pets in that sometimes they make absolutely no sense at all. Why a cat has the urge to push things around is as much a mystery as why dogs love to chase things.
That's what makes this joke such a great one. Indeed, there would be a lot missing from this Earth if it were flat. Just imagine looking for your car keys and then realizing your cats pushed them into outer space again.
Only Cats Can Tell Us What To Do
The fact that cats don't have the language to scold their owners says a lot about the power of their behavior. Cats are experts at communicating in the most subtle of ways, like getting up when they've been pet enough, or looking at a stranger like it's their mortal enemy.
Owners know their cats better than anyone since they spend the most time with them. The way some people have their mother's nagging stuck in their head, we wouldn't be surprised if some cat owners have minds plagued by their cat's disapproval.
Cats Never Forget
It's easy to blame cats for their sense of entitlement and lack of gratitude, but they can't help if history trained them to be that way. Then again, perhaps our ancestors thought that cats were gods because of the way they act.
Trying to answer if cats trained humans to worship them or if humans trained cats to be worshipped is like trying to solve the chicken or the egg conundrum or count how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop; the world may never know.
Where We Fit In
Dogs are ruled by their pack leader, meaning that they work under a strict code of authority. As long as a human has the will to be assertive with their canine, the dog will have no choice but to obey and thus become a loyal follower.
Cats, on the other hand, don't play by the same rules. Some cats would bolt at the first chance they got, if only they didn't have to work harder for food in the wild than they do at home. But don't ever confuse them as a follower just because they stick around.
The Best Way To Live
One thing that's impressive about cats is how they can go the majority of their life with hardly any exercise, and then one day out of the blue hunt down a mouse like they've been training all year. The same logic applies to the weird things they do while they're awake.
You may have the most relaxed cat one second, and the next they're spazzing out for an hour straight, giving you plenty of time to grab a recording device. In this day and age, who wouldn't love to have that kind of viral video talent?
Another Purrfect Pun
In all honesty, cats probably like to sit on your laptop because it's warm. However, it's fun to entertain the idea that they'd care enough to want to help you avoid work. They also may be saying it's time to give them attention, so you better not disappear into that computer.
Whatever their intent, seeing an adorable cat all warm and soft snuggled on top of your laptop would be enough of a reason to "purrcrastinate."
Schrodinger's Milk
If your cat was disappearing, the last thing on your mind would be what to feed it. Everything you once believe about physics and the laws of the Universe would go out the window, and you'd probably have a breakdown.
On another note, it's funny that we call it evaporated milk despite the fact that it still is in liquid form. Only about 60% of the water is actually removed, so it'd probably just fall straight through your disappearing cat.
Cats Win At Life
Everything seems to tire a cat, even sleep itself! We've all had those days where getting out of bed doesn't feel possible. Imagine a life where all you had to do was stretch out on the couch, in the sunny part of the carpet, under the bed, anywhere that made you feel comfortable and safe.
It's ironic to call sleeping a sport since it's literally the exact opposite of exercise. But hey, each to their own.
Only The Luckiest Cats
Having a catastrophe is never a good thing, but we can come up with something even worse. Imagine having a cat-astrophe! What would that even entail? We imagine it would involve your cat being possessed or some other horror-movie event happening to the cat.
Most humans are rather lucky to have their cats. Whether you love cats or not, you should be grateful that an animal that is so aware of its own grandeur would spend its time with a human at all.
A Magical Joke
Harry Potter fans have to appreciate this pun. Who knew that one of the more popular characters in this era has a name that can easily be altered into a cat name? At the same time, a cat would probably be insulted if they realized you were calling them hairy, rather than furry.
Just imagine a cat with all of its agility and confidence having magical powers on top of that! Now that would be a cat-astrophe!
So Very True
You might've had to read this a couple of times for it to make sense if you don't already own a cat, but if you do, then you know exactly what this sign means.
A cat will always be on the wrong side of the door. That's just the nature of their ways and there is hardly anything you can do about it. This is just a face of life you're going to have to accept.
When Your Cat Is Also Your Alarm
Who needs an alarm when you own a pesky cat? Seriously, these felines don't care about your sleep, they just want some food or something else you can provide them first thing in the morning.
Your face, belly, and arms aren't safe while sleeping when you have a little frisky one crawling around your room. You may never know what's going to happen in the early hours of the day, so just go ahead and get rid of that alarm.
A Strange Addiction
They say if you fail to plan you plan to fail. You need to keep that in mind when it comes to cats and having "the talk" with yours. One conversation you need to have is the one about catnip.
Catnip is the highly addictive substance that cats go crazy over. If you didn't tell your feline that he or she will need to watch their consumption levels when it comes to consuming it, you're in for a load of trouble.
Getting Cheeky With This One
Hey there, are you looking for a good time? Then you've come to the right place! The Eau Gallie Veterinary Hospital is exactly where you want to be if you're looking for a wild experience.
They have all the animals you could imagine, ready for belly rubs and fetching. The most fun you'll have, however, is with the kittens. They tend to live on the edge, so if you have any, please show us your kitties!
Don't Step On A Poodle!
The rain can become bothersome, especially if its heavy pouring. The traffic gets worse, you get all wet, and you have to worry about where you step because you never know what's on the ground.
That's what you call raining cats and dogs. If this is the case, one thing we recommend is not stepping on a poodle or in a puddle. It just isn't the safest or right thing to do when the rain won't stop.
Of Course It Is
Having a favorite color isn't strictly for humans. Even animals can draw an interest in a particular shade. For cats, would you expect anything else to be there favorite hue, other than purrrple?
Not only is it the perfect pun, but it's also the correct choice if you ask us. If dark enough, you can mistake purple for black and cats love being sneaky. From now on, only buy your cats purple accessories and see how happier they become.
Cats Are Messy
While they aren't as ambitious as dogs, a cat will not shy away from eating any type of food that is out there. That's why its safer to keep all your food away form their reach.
If you do forget to leave out some food, all we ask is that you make sure it doesn't match the color of your carpet. One thing will lead to another and you'll step into some puke because you didn't see it!
We Have A String Theory...
If you've ever pulled out a string like item around your precious little feline, then you know how serious they take that. All their attention shifts and now all they want to do is capture the mysterious stringy ornament.
That's probably why a cat scientist majors in String Theory. That way, they can understand why a cat is so in love with strings and how they become so entranced by the situation with only a few things able to steer their attention away from it.
One Cat At A Time
Even after we've shown you all this information about cats, they still are a great pet to own. Sure, they might scratch you up, make a mess around the house, fight with the dog, but there are so many reasons to adopt one.
While there are a ton of reasons to make the step in adopting, all you need is one. That one thing is that you will fall in love with the cat the first time it leaves a furball. You won't have a choice cause you'll feel so bad!
Delicious Mice Krispies
This one is probably a no-brainer, but do you know what a cats favorite breakfast is? It isn't a bowl of wet food with catnip sprinkled on top, although that would be a good one.
No, their favorite breakfast has to be Mice Krispies. You can't find it at every store, but if you look hard enough then you will certainly locate it. your cat will adore you for life after having this meal for the first time.
A Mixed Breed
You wouldn't normally want to cross a cat and a lemon, but sometimes, strange things take place. Do you know what happens when these two mix? Don't worry, we'll tell you.
Crossing a lemon and a cat gives you a sourpuss, an even deadlier feline that you don't want to mess with and always have to obey. If you don't listen to their every command, then you might as well pack your bags and get out the house, cause you're finished.
The Cat Is Our Leader
This whole time we thought that cats were aliens, but this sign tells us otherwise. If aliens were to come to Earth, their best bet would be to communicate with a cat, because they run everything.
We just hope the alien doesn't mispronounce leader and litter or else the kitty might really take the otherworldly figures to where they relieve themselves. We wouldn't want a world domination to take place because of bad communication, would we?
No Online Shopping For These Kitties
You won't find a cat spending there time going from website to website as they shop for a new outfit. They don't prefer to waste their money that way, but instead have another preference.
Cats will only shop with a cat-alogue! That way, they can swipe through the pages and tear them up at the same time. It's a win-win for the little felines, so don't expect them to add anything extra to your Amazon shopping cart.
A Blast From The Past
By now, you know that cats do whatever they want, whenever they want, and feel no shame in what they do. It's a cat's world and we're only living in it.
When it's time to take them somewhere special, the only place you can take them is to a meowseum! You'll get extra brownie points when you take them cause it'll show that you're well mastered in the art of kitty. Trust us on this one.
Sounds About Right
Have you ever met a cat that loves taking a bath or even remotely close to enjoying the experience? You're in luck if you have, because finding one that does is a tough task.
That's why cleaning them is such a big thing. Its nothing like bathing a dog, whom may enjoy that significantly. This is a whole new ball game we're talking about when it comes to the felines. That's why you have to call it Martial Art.
Always Feeling Good
Something that cats provide that you can deem useful is the ability to let you pet them. Not all have the capacity to show such kindness, but the ones that do, you can bet you'll feel way better after you do it.
Petting a cat will leave you feline good, in case you didn't know from this sign. Their fur and purring combined provide something that tickles our insides. Be thankful if one chooses you to experience this.
Ears On Top Of Their Heads
We told you, a cat's purpose in life is to avoid listening to humans as much as they can. If you have a feline that obeys you when you talk to it, then it isn't living up to its full potential.
Also, if that's what you have, then you're one of the lucky ones. A cat that listens is like the winning lottery ticket because they're extremely rare to come across and make you very happy.
Meownt Everest
We've never heard this one before so we had to include it. If you've ever had the pleasure of being near a pile of cats, know that you are a lucky person.
Cats on top of each other is a rare sighting, which is probably why they're labeled a meowtain. That's certainly one of the most creative name for a flock of animals we've heard in a long time. Kudos to the creators of this sign.
