Normally you walk by one of those chalkboard signs outside of a restaurant and it says something like “today’s special: salmon fillet” or “house beer served here.” That’s useful information that might make you want to step into that restaurant. Do you know what’s better than useful information, though? Jokes.
These sign-smiths are at the top of their game. Is this marketing effective, funny, or both? We’ll let you decide. Which of these signs is your favorite?
A Liquid Lunch
In what world is whiskey considered soup? Where is that world and how can we get to it? Sometimes on a cold night, you need a hot, hearty bowl on minestrone soup. On some cold nights, you need a glass of whiskey. What kind of night is it tonight?
There are some problems that a bowl of chicken noodle soup can fix. For everything else, there’s whiskey. Do you like your soup neat or on the rocks?
You Get What You Deserve
Do you think they serve coffee at the Karma Café or do they just give you whatever they think you deserve? If you’re a rotten person do they give you rotten coffee? Inquiring minds want to know… not that we’re rotten or anything.
Maybe rotten people will steer clear of this place, which makes it an even better café for all of the nice folks out there. At this place, nice people finish (their scones) first.
Taking Instructions Very Literally
This employee was told to write something witty and thought-provoking on the chalkboard sign, and that’s exactly what he did. Did he take those instructions very literally? Absolutely. Is it still funny? You bet.
Hopefully his boss didn’t mind this stunt too much. Maybe it even brought in a few new customers. People might be more willing to eat at this restaurant if they know funny people work there. This is much better than something witty and thought-provoking.
What makes you so special that you think you deserve a “special” meal? What’s wrong with what’s already on the menu? Is a regular salmon fillet not good enough for you? Do you have to have the “special” grilled tilapia?
That said, whoever wrote this sign is being kind of harsh. Sometimes people want something extra special. Specials also let you know what types of meat or fish or poultry a chef has gotten fresh that morning.
Do Your Part
Are you really not going to have a glass of wine after hundreds of innocent grapes died to make just one glass of the stuff? That’s a bit rude, don’t you think? If this sign doesn’t make you want to have a glass of wine with your meal, we don’t know what will.
Whoever wrote that sign knows that a guilt trip always does the trick. This sign is playing on your heartstrings. Innocent grapes are giving up their tiny little lives in a vineyard so that you can enjoy that magnificent glass of Merlot.
Put The Cameras Away
We’ve had enough of people pulling out their cameras at restaurants just so they can post their fancy egg’s benedict on Instagram. This restaurant makes food for people to eat, not photograph. Your food is getting cold while you’re deciding on a filter. Just put it on a fork and put it in your mouth.
Instagram has become a hub for dog profiles and foodies. It’s becoming mainstream for people to literally take a picture of every meal they’re eating that day and it’s exhausting.
A Purrfect Deal
Yeah, you’ll look a little silly meowing in a restaurant, and yeah, none of the wait staff actually want you to attempt this, but hey, ten percent is ten percent. Lots of restaurants have weird quirks and traditions like this one.
Some cafés will knock a dollar off of your coffee if you say please more than four times during your stay at the establishment. Other restaurants will dare you to eat their biggest meal with the stipulation that if you finish it all you don’t have to pay for it.
The Solution To All Your Problems
Is there anything easier to understand that a simple flow chart? It’s a visual map to help you navigate any sort of problem. According to this flow chart, the quicker you come to realize that there is one solution to every issue, the better and less stressful your life will be.
This might not be great advice to live by, but you can come in and have a drink on a Sunday night. Everything might still not be ok after, but at least you had a good time.
The Best Kind Of Review
This Yelp review is so perfect. Alexa had no idea that when she was leaving this “negative” review, she was actually paying Baan Thai the highest compliment. If you go to a Thai restaurant and it’s full of Thai people, you know you’ve come to the right place.
If you went to an American restaurant in Thailand and there were no Americans in it. you’d know that it couldn’t be very good. American pad Thai isn’t the real thing.
Keep Your Cool
We’re not sure why this restaurant felt compelled to put up this sign, or how many people flipped over tables until it became necessary to post a notice about it. It must have been a problem because this sign includes a visual reminder of what not to do, plus instructions in two languages.
Maybe this sign is up at a sports bar. People get upset when their team doesn’t win. Sometimes they might get so upset that they flip a table.
Don’t Risk It
You don’t have to risk it. First of all, the pavement looks very wet which means that it’s probably raining and, therefore, you should be inside having a drink regardless. There’s such a thing as seasonal depression, but there’s also weather-dependent depression as well which is why having a few drinks on a rainy day is probably a good idea.
Not only should customers already be seeking shelter to get away from the rain, but the thought that there COULD be bears ahead is terrifying in itself. Think about this sign as giving you a life or death option.
This is typical reverse psychology that’s being used here and they’re doing a very good job at it. When someone reads this sign they’re going to want to try to the meatball sandwich for the experience. Look, basically everything can be reviewed online and it adds some intrigue.
There are many restaurants that survive on bad food so having one horrible YELP review about the meatball sub is probably not the worst thing in the world.
Rhyming Is Hard
Look, we can’t all be these creative geniuses and come up with literary brilliance at the drop of a dime. I think that it’s pretty easy to say that the poetic gene isn’t nestled into this person’s cranium, but they get an ‘A’ for effort.
We can only assume that Shakespeare, Frost, and Bukowski are turning in their graves right now knowing that this is what their art has turned into. With that being said, this doesn’t take away the passion this place obviously has for their bacon and steak.
Ah, The Memories
We’ve all been there before. You’re working hard on your middle school math equation and you need help with some clarification on the question. Naturally, your instincts kick in and you call for your mother while looking directly at your 30-year-old math teacher who is now mortified.
Not only is this ALWAYS awkward for you and the teacher, but your classmates don’t let the slip-up go un-bullied for at least a few weeks afterward.
Learn To Communicate
Am I the only one who’s confused about how their grandparents and parents survived without technology? So wait, you’re telling me that I have to actually talk to this person that I’m going to dinner with and don’t have ANY ways to distract myself from the social awkwardness?
Having this sign outside of your restaurant will certainly cut your customer base in half, eliminating anyone who is under the age of 30 because the thought of not being able to text people while they’re on a date will give them social anxiety.
How True That Is
Is it possible to date someone who doesn’t enjoy the same food as you? The easy answer to that is NO. We should also get one thing straight, your significant other who says they “don’t care where we eat” every time is just being selfish.
They’re afraid of rejection and would rather be able to complain about the food and say, “you picked it, not me.” They’re not being easy going, they’re just being selfish.
The Fashion Police
Can we just talk about the fact that socks and sandals are incredibly convenient? I’m not sure when all this hate started happening, but it needs to stop. There are many days that are too cold for bare feet, but too hot for an enclosed shoe.
The fact that this establishment is willing to give such an uneducated hot take about fashion is not only ignorant, but it’s bad for business. Billions of people, myself included, will be taking our dollars elsewhere.
It’s important that you get people into your store by any means necessary. Who cares if your customers are guilted into coming into your store? The money all looks the same. This sign may come off as desperate, but the truth is that everyone is connected through the power of money.
Both you and the employees at the restaurant rely on each other. So, with that being said, where are you going to go for lunch today?
Spitting Some Serious Truth
There is NO good reason to not like bacon. It’s pretty much the most universally enjoyed meat of all time and I can say that with a guarantee. There’s no grey area on this issue, you either like bacon or you’re wrong and should be punished.
In fact, there are some people (probably this restaurant) calling for life in prison for people who don’t enjoy bacon. Of course, I’m kidding, but the fact that you believed me for a second tells you a lot.
Some Hardcore Soup
The restaurant industry is cut throat. If you want to have a successful business and be around for a long time you’re going to have to make some enemies along the way. If a new spot opens up down the street and your customer base is flocking to them, it’s up to you to get them back by any means necessary.
If that means that you make a soup that’s based solely on the tears of your competitors then that’s what you have to do.
Pick Any Two
When you go to get fast-food you need to know that you’re going to be getting quantity over quality. No one is going to head over to McDonald’s to get a gourmet burger because gourmet burgers take longer than two minutes to make.
If you want good food, you’re going to have to wait a little bit. If you just want fast food you’re going to have to sacrifice the quality. This restaurant lays it out perfectly for you.
Somebody Can Draw
I lose all my willpower when it comes to pizza, but apparently, there are some people out there who can stay strong and still need some convincing. Even if you’re one of those unique human beings, this sign will change your mind right away.
Lion King and pizza is the new Netflix and chill. Just about anything that has to do with The Lion King is bound to suck anyone into their trap. This pizza joint knows what it’s doing!
How Cats Order Drinks
A lot of me think cats are Satan’s curse on the world, but this bar sign perfectly explains why cats are misunderstood. Cats aren’t trying to break everything we own, it’s just their way of relaxing after a long week of eating and sleeping.
At least you know this bar likely has an endless supply of whiskey. However, if you enjoy a nice tumbler of whiskey after a long day, this might not be the best place to bring your feline friend.
Try Singing It
It’s not the advertising that I ever thought Biggie Smalls would end up being used for, but it works surprisingly well. The rapper was known for being Notoriously overweight, so Biggie the Piggie isn’t the worst comparison you could make.
A nice lean pork chop with a twice baked potato can be pretty hypnotizing. While this sign might be clever without a doubt, we just hope that it’s somewhere on the East Coast where Notorious B.I.G. called home.
The Fun Side
This bar sign found in Mexico shows America just how much the Mexicans know they can party harder. All that Cinco De Mayo stuff they do in America has nothing on Mexico’s year-round party atmosphere.
Why else would every college girl in America migrate there for a week each March? It’s nice to know that some people can still have a good sense of humor even when things aren’t necessarily going their way. This sign must have won the hearts of Hispanics and American alike.
The Only Three Words That Matter
Who needs a partner who eternally loves, supports, and respects you when you have wine? This sign is calling out to all the single millennials who can barely afford rent but can still afford wine at the bar.
Ladies, enjoy it while you can. Soon you’ll reach the age where drinking wine at 4 pm at the bar doesn’t make you look cute, it makes you look like a cougar. But then again, that’s not always a bad thing.
Beer Is Calling You
Beer is like that person you hooked up with at your friend’s birthday that doesn’t understand it was a one night stand. And your response is always the same.You avoid the annoying texts all week until they call on Friday and you say “hey, it’s the weekend, why not?”
Be honest with yourself, if you got an unexpected call from a number named “beer,” would you answer it? We’re going to go ahead and assume yes.
Oh Look, Alcohol
Sometimes someone hits you with the stick of truth, and it hurts. When it comes to alcohol and bad decisions, I have roughly the same memory as Dori. Yeah sure, let’s completely disregard the fact the last time I did five Jägerbombs I texted my ex and ate a family size bag of Doritos.
Dori is just pointing out that every time you claim that you’re not drinking again, that’s just you lying to yourself until the next time someone hands you a beer.
They Don’t Judge
This bar sign starts sweet, turns savage, and ends with you standing there wondering why you’re excluded from something you don’t even want to be a part of.
Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have free water like dogs and short people. Justice for tall people! But then again, it’s probably best if you’re not caught on your hands and knees slurping out of that bowl. Just walk inside and have a drink if you’re that thirsty.
All Homer Really Wants
A lot of us want to think we’re nothing like Homer, but in reality, America loves The Simpsons because it’s eerily relatable. Just think about how many people reading this sign work a meaningless job to get by and who also love coffee, beer, and cake.
This bar knew it had to tap into our deepest desires, and they did it perfectly. The greatest thing about this sign is that you don’t even have to love The Simpsons in order to get it.
Blame It On Tequilla
The world is attached to their phones, but drinking is the one time we really shouldn’t be. Even if you’ve managed to live a life without heartbreak and texting an ex isn’t your biggest fear, there are still so many things that could go wrong.
Like, what if you accidentally texted your mom for that booty call? This bar sign is kind enough to remind us all: glasses up, phone down. Either that or don’t even check your your phone after a night out to save yourself the embarrassment.
A Nice Way To Describe Ice
I’m not the biggest fan of croutons in salads. They are so hard you can’t even pick them up with your fork. But water croutons in whiskey soup is a different story.
This soup of the day sounds like the perfect Friday night dinner to finish off a long workweek. Of course, unless this sign went over your head, they’re referring to H2O croutons as ice cubes, a perfect compliment to any nice glass of whisky.
Flashback to the Poetry Unit in Grade 9 English
In all honesty, this bar sign could have been written by me. If a poem doesn’t rhyme, it doesn’t make much sense in my mind, but I’ll probably still put it down on paper. I still don’t even know how many syllables are supposed to be in a haiku.
I’d go into this bar solely because they probably don’t understand Shakespeare, and I don’t need him on my mind when I’m focused on drinking beer after a long day at the office.
Nobody Exists On Purpose, Except To Get More Tea
What better way to attract a customer to your boutique tea shop than with a boutique reference? David’s Tea is smart enough to know the way to get any millennial into your store is to make a Rick and Morty reference.
Fans of the show love to brag about how only smart people will understand the humor. Typical millennials, it doesn’t take much to get them to fall into your trap.
They Make A Very Good Point
Okay, this sign is spitting some serious truth. I’m going to start basing all my friendships off of how long they can go without a drink. Fact: dogs can last 4-5 days without water, but a cat can last almost two weeks.
Coincidence that one is man’s best friend and the other is plotting to take over the world? I think not. If only you could grab a beer with your pets! It wouldn’t get better than that!
The Only Math That’s Useful In The Real World
In life, basic math is really all you need to know. But what if you start throwing in variables? Will the unknown value of gin and tonics you’ll drink over the night effect when you crack your phone screen?
That’s when it gets confusing, and you have to bring out your phone calculator. Oh, wait, you might not have one by the fifteenth drink. It’s probably for the best that you put your phone away and keep it away after you’ve already texted your ex.
Second Breakfast And A Pint Is The Original Brunch And Mimosas
All those college girls who make fun of the “nerds” in their econ classes have no idea that their Sunday brunch tradition is just a rip off of Hobbit lore.
Hobbits call it second breakfast, but Chelsea from Kappa Beta Phi calls it getting an $8 fruit cup at 11 am after eating two Big Macs at 4 am on the way home from the bar. Oh, and don’t forget the bottomless mimosas! Those are an essential part of any true second breakfast.
This Is A Way Better Gift Than Frankincense
Anyone who knows the story of Jesus’ birth knows that frankincense and myrrh were both awful gifts in comparison to gold. Nowadays, skip the symbolism and give the people what they want. John, Johnny, and Jimmy are the heroes that baby Jesus truly deserved.
Granted, we don’t think that Jesus would particularly think that making fun of the gifts that he received at birth to be all that funny. But then again, what’s life without stepping on a few toes!
Free Beer For Nobody!
You can’t blame this bar failing to get your attention. Most men would only need to read the part about free beer to storm the place. Anyone who finishes reading the sign might just turn an walk away.
Then again, customers love a good joke. This place deserves your business for making you laugh. Who knows, maybe there is still free beer for the people who decided to stop in and have a drink anyway. But then again, bars are stingy establishments, so probably not.
Science For The Win
If alcoholics have one thing in common, they’re all just trying to justify their drinking. This bar sign makes a pretty good argument for it’s okay to chug away.
According to science, a solution is a mixture where one thing combines with another thing to form a brand new thing. So tequila and lime juice mix together to form a margarita. You’re welcome. You don’t have to stop there either. Jack Daniels and Coca Cola is also a nice option as well.